Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Tuesday 14th July 2009

Today is Bastille day , a national holiday in France which commemorates the storming of the Bastille prison. It is a day when the French president can pardon offenders but I believe the current President , President Sarkozy doesn't take part in this tradition. I don't know much about french history and I only actually know about Bastille day by watching the Tour de France every year. It's the day when a french rider really wants to win a stage on the tour. Generally making it quite an exciting day of racing.

I used to cycle a lot but stopped a few years ago. It's something I miss , I never participated in races or any events , I was solely a recreational cyclist. Using a mountain bike on roads probably made that pretty obvious to more serious cyclists out there. Having to get up at 6am to travel to university everyday and getting home around 7pm added to my lack of enthusiasm for anything didn't help in maintaining my cycling.

As I said I miss cycling , there's something about it that I loved. Since I stopped I began to eat a lot more and the lack of exercise took its toll on my fitness, I'm not obese but I'm far from what I used to be. Over the years of not doing anything I got more paranoid and self concious to the point of where I am now having anxiety attacks being in public areas. Travelling to university daily I had to use the bus , takes between an hour and a quarter and an hour and a half to get to the city from where I lived so it was approx 3 hours a day on buses. Now getting on a bus freaks me out , especially when it's got people on it. Buses don't come that often but if I see the bus is fairly full then I won't get on. This really doesn't help getting to places on time but thinking about stepping on the bus and all the people looking at me just quickens my breath and I begin to feel faint and sick.

The worst thing is this thought process makes me comfort eat , I thought that was just a thing for girls but no sadly not, comfort eating leads to more thoughts of being a fat git which leads to more comfort eating and thats a type of cycling I don't enjoy.

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