Sunday, 30 August 2009

Sunday 30th August 2009

Well Hearts moved up to 1 point in the SPL now leaving Falkirk and Hamilton the only teams without a point so far. Next match is at home against Aberdeen on the 14Th of September so a couple of weeks off for the internationals then it's away to fellow strugglers Hamilton on the 19Th.

Between now and then there's the international matches

Scotland v Macedonia 5Th September
Scotland v Netherlands 9Th September

We need to win both matches and I can see us losing both. We should beat Macedonia but the teams we should beat is where we struggle. I should try to be confident but it looks like another major footballing competition which won't feature the Scotland squad which is so sad after seeing how well we played in the European Cup qualifiers.

Craig Gordon was back in goals for Sunderland at the weekend but will he be match fit for 2 tough international matches? I can only hope so.

Currently I'm cooking a beef stew for tomorrow, just some beef, potatoes, carrots and swede. The packaging for the swede said it was half swede, I wonder what the other half was. Perhaps it's mother had an affair with a parsnip.

Outside is wet and grey again, quite cold too. The leaves on some trees are starting to turn so looks like autumn is here.

Saturday, 29 August 2009

Saturday 29th August 2009

Another Saturday, Another defeat for Falkirk FC. This time it was

Dundee Utd 2 - Falkirk 1

So after 3 games into the new season Falkirk sit on no points 11th in the table just kept off the bottom by Hamilton who thankfully get humped by more goals than us. It's looking like a long hard season a head. Hearts also have no points but do have a game in hand over both Falkirk and Hamilton. I can't see Hearts being near the relegation zone next May.

I've been given an energy drink that looks like a rip off of red bull, has similar packaging anyway. Poured it into a glass and it looks a lot like urine. The fizz left within a minute to make it look more like concentrated urine. Like when you don't drink enough and it comes out that deeper yellow colour. I would say it doesn't taste like urine though but I haven't tried that yet. The drink isn't that nice.

So today I went out with my sister and her husband to Stirling, it's amazing how many short people there are in Stirling. I don't like it since they get in my way. I should walk behind them and say " Oh my God, you've got awful dandruff " . I could carry a salt shaker in my pocket to make it more effective. Maybe get a bar of white soap and start flaking of small scratchings with a knife, however they may notice someone doing that. I guess I could wear a light bulb and pretend I'm a lamp post. My brother in law also noticed that most of the males in Stirling today had girl hair, which is just long sort of dodgy looking hair which I guess is fashionable. There were a group of females all dressed in sort of flowery dresses / skirts , I'm guessing that's in fashion too. They looked like old peoples toilet roll covers. There was a man dress up as a cow to advertise a new milkshake bar, for some reason he had udders.
The main shopping centre in Stirling, the Thistle Marches is like a bloody greenhouse, it was boiling inside.

After this we went to Beacraigs country park, it's mildly disappointing now, there's no fish farm bit where you can feed the fish anymore. Also the deer seem to be further away from the walk way now. I managed to walk around the place without playing my "game". My game involves saying something to my brother in law when we walk passed other people. Last time we were there I scored well with " Yes I agree this is an ideal spot to bury a body " . The best place to play this game so far has been St Andrews. Rather than go for jokes about murder is more like walking by people who are obviously Students and seem to be posh and English and saying stuff like " They let any old folk into this University these days" .

I'm such fun.

Was going to end on that point but I just remembered when I came home my father said to my mother that he had finished off the soup she had left. He mentioned it was rather watery before my mother telling him that the soup had been finished and she had added water to the pan to clean it. What's really sad is the fact this is the second time he's ate/drank dirty water that he thought was soup. It's pretty obvious it's not.

It's depressing that when I cook something, the only feedback he gives is " it's fine" and this is a man who has dirty water as soup.

Friday, 28 August 2009

Friday 28th August 2009

Received a letter today, at first I thought it was going to be about the job I applied for but sadly it was just a note to say that my cardiology appointment had been changed from November to September. Exciting stuff.
Not looking forward to it since I've put on a fair bit of weight since I last had my heart checked.

Smokers get nicotine patches, gum and candy cigarettes to help them stop smoking but how do you stop over eating? I know there's will power but that breaks when you're unhappy.

Speaking of unhappiness I believe I feel better now, may sound stupid but I'm not sure if I do or not but I think I do.

Going back to over eating. I know I should do more exercise but getting the motivation to go out and do it isn't easy. I guess once you start and feel a bit better about yourself you'll continue it, it's just getting over the initial hurdle that's the problem. I know I'm the only person who can change that, I just wish there was no people between me and the road where I run.

Sent away a job application today, wasn't until I had just popped it in the post box that I realised I hadn't signed the cover letter. Stupid me.

Hearts won 2-0 last night but wasn't enough to overturn the 4-0 first leg defeat. It's sad that the manager might leave when it's not his fault that the owner doesn't seem to care anymore.

Whilst on my way home from the course today I noticed a couple of streets, one called Cockburn Street and another called Dickburn Street. I assume it's something to do with small streams which are called burns but maybe a very angry female named the streets or possibly a man with an unfortunate medical condition.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Thursday 27th August 2009

Today is the first day of double dosage, not sure if I feel any different, maybe a little bit drowsy but that could be due to not having much sleep.

Was at my course today. Was in a group of 6 people and we had a task where you were on a cruise, the boat exploded and now you're on a lifeboat. There's room for 4 more people and you come across 7 more survivors

A Mother and child
A Prostitute
An 86 year old woman
An 80 year old man who survived the Nazi concentration camps
A 16 year old boy
The ships first mate
and a Nurse.

My decision was to pick the mother and child since it's morally right, the 80 yo man since he survived the nazi camps so surely he knows how to survive, The nurse incase someone is sick and thats where I got stuck. I thought the 86 yo woman was too old and near death anyway, the 16yo boy should have a better chance of surviving on his own, I'd blame the first mate for the accident and the prostitute could be STD infested.

Since we had to decide as a group we took a vote and our choices were
Mother and child
16yo boy
Ships first mate.

They picked the mother and child for the same reason and also the nurse. They said the ships first mate would be able to help navigate and would know roughly were the ship exploded and the 16yo boy since he deserves the chance to live.

However this task was just about showing us what you write on your CV could be misinterpreted if you don't provide key information or something about asking questions. It was revealed afterwards that

The mother had a degree in marine ecology( or something along those lines could of been marine engineering)
The 16yo boy was a paraplegic
The ships first mate was blinded in the explosion
The 86 yo woman was a retired doctor with over 60years experience
Can't remember what they said about the 80yo man
The prostitute was a man
The nurse had only just passed her first exam.

Therefore you should pick the mother and child, 86yo woman,80yo man and I think Nurse.

I'm not sure why you'd call the nurse a nurse if she hadn't actually qualified yet.

After this we were given another task involving a wedding. It was basically problem solving and I completed it in a few minutes. I then had to explain how I came up with the answers which were correct.

Tomorrow we have to do something with the Japanese numbers from one to ten. Not exactly sure what yet.

I'm amazed I predicted the exact Celtic score last night, I said it'd finish 3 - 1 and it did. I didn't predict that Eduardo is a diving cheat though. Absolutely disgraceful piece of blatant cheating.

Tonights match involving a Scottish club is Hearts v Dinamo Zagreb , I can't see them overturning a 4-0 defeat in the first leg.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Wednesday 26th August 2009

On Monday I mentioned that fact that I had recently levelled a Draenei Paladin in World of Warcraft. Today after returning from the doctor I logged on and went to Zul'Gurub for the first time in ages, as usual I went to Bloodlord Mandokir and killed him, to my surprise the Swift Razzashi Raptor dropped, a very rare drop of 1% and rather nice for a member of the alliance to get since they don't have access to raptor mounts. Of course it doesn't make the game play any better but it's nice to feel a bit of luck.

My joy was short lived, after this piece of fortune I went to check the microwave which had made a funny pop last evening. To my dismay it had been broken, my second microwave to have died at the hands of my father. He never bothers to read instructions for anything and doesn't actually pay to get anything fixed.

As I said, I was at the doctors today to see how my medication was going. He thought I should be feeling better by now so he's doubled my dosage to 40mg a day. He also gave me some beta blockers to take before job interviews and other stressful ordeals to help combat the anxiety. When taking them before I didn't notice any effect but here's to hoping. I go back to see him in a month. I'm supposed to be getting psychotherapy but found out today that the waiting list is 12months so that's not going to happening any time soon.

Whilst on the last medication Citalopram I found this website no more panic which is very very helpful. It lets you see what can be done to help you for all sorts of different anxiety related issues and the forums are filled with nice friendly people who are going through the similar experiences so you can check to see if what you're experiencing is normal and reassure yourself. Being able to put your mind at ease for one thing is really helpful, it won't sure you but it's one less thing to worry about. Every little helps.

Yesterday was dry and sunny today is the exact opposite. It's relatively cold (which I don't mind) ,grey and very wet.

Also yesterday I was looking at various websites that show you how to install a shower. It doesn't look or sound too hard. I'm fairly confident I can teach myself how to do it and hopefully not in the too distant future since having baths just doesn't seem as clean. It probably sounds odd I know but baths just don't give me the same fresh feeling as a shower does. Showers are also a lot easier and quicker. The only really good thing about baths is you can check your testicles easier which may not sound like fun but I bet it's a fair bit better than having cancer. Am I being overly paranoid? Probably although it's better safe than sorry. A year or so ago I did find a lump of one of my testicles, it was very tender which the doctor said made it unlikely to be cancer since they're hard lumps. I was given some anti biotics which seemed to clear it up but it was still worrying to find something. I suppose it would be worse to find a panda on your testicle. Maybe that's the reason men don't like going to the doctors, they don't know how to explain finding a panda on their genitals. Pandas only rarely attack humans so it would be fairly unlikely to have a malignant panda problem, so therefore most people find that pandas on their testicles turn out to be benign.

I'll take a guess and say that people with pandas on them is a highly underestimated issue. Maybe even something unknown to most doctors.

I spoke briefly about pandas yesterday and said I'd discuss it further today so that's exactly what I'm going to do. As you may know the giant panda is native to China and lives in forest mainly eating bamboo. Pandas are said to be endangered due to deforestation of the areas in which they live. What you may not know is that many pandas realised that there way of life was changing and started a small drinks company in the late 1970s producing there most famous product of panda cola. The product was successful due to it's cheap price but that success came with a price not shown in shops. Since the panda population was dwindling they faced a major problem with keeping up with demand. To solve this problem pandas enslaved many Chinese farmers to work in their factories. This solution did work and they were able to keep up with the demand for cheap cola. Unfortunately more cheap brands were introduced in the 1990s and by the mid 90s the pandas barely made any profit, closing down their factories and letting their captives go.

This is not the first time that pandas have asserted themselves. Back in the late 12Th and early 13Th centuarys pandas were notorious for ambushing and pillaging trades people and towns in Asia. In the middle of the 13Th century under the ruling of Cho Mascarapanda the panda forces joined together and invaded the area of China we now know as Hong Kong. Cho Mascarapanda ordered the building of the great city of Pandama to unite his people further. Over the next 200 years the Panda forces invaded many other countries including modern day India and Bhutan. These invasions gave us the terms pandemonium and pandemic.

Although some of their history is towards violence, Pandas are generally gentle, thinking creatures. Many people believe algebra has it's origins in ancient Babylonia but this is simply not the case. There's numerous pieces of evidence to support the claim that algebra was first used by a travelling panda tradesman called Yun Po Pandahamma. His mathematical technique inspired many fledgling mathematicians with whom he encountered on his travels.
Pandas were also involved in many other areas of maths, the famous Pythagorean theorem was originally called Pandathagorean theorem, a Panda in the Greek branch of the Jehovah's Witnesses met a young Pythagoras and taught him the ancient Panda technique. After the Jehovah's witness Panda left Greece for Ellesmere port young Pythagoras changed the name of the theorem and all knowledge of the Pandas presence.

In modern day Britain many Pandas work as Maths teachers, the population of Panda maths teachers is thought to be around 140,000 although it's estimated that around 20% will lose their jobs to ex bankers.

The front page of today's paper was about a row over Martina Hingis being allowed to participate in this series of Strictly Come Dancing. The row is because she was banned from tennis following the discovery of her cocaine use. I'm not sure what the problem is since I'm fairly sure Phil Tufnell who is also in the series was done for using marijuana. There's also 2 people from Hollyoaks which is just criminal in itself.

Good news though, Big Brother is getting axed, wooooooooo.

Finally today my mother just brought in a microwave that my sister had bought for us. I feel quite bad about it since it's not her fault that the last one broke yesterday and it's not right that she has to use her hard earned money on us. I am very grateful but just feel I can't pay her back enough.

Oh and the box that the microwave came in was appreciated too, not by me though......

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Tuesday 25th August 2009

This is probably my favourite picture from the website I mentioned yesterday.

The only problem is trying to understand half the things that people write on the site since they're done in non proper English.

Speaking of English I was watching countdown today and the letters came up as
it's the first time I've been watching when they've bleeped out the answer which I assume was bastards.

I noticed that Sol Campbell, ex arsenal, Portsmouth and England defender has signed a 5 year deal with Notts County. Quite remarkable since he's currently 34 so would be 39 if he stayed the duration of his contract. The BBC has a new football league show which is televised on Saturday nights right after Match of the Day which allows for the non premier league teams to get more coverage. To be honest it's probably better to watch than Match of the Day. It's surprising the calibre of player that has joined a league two side when it'd be difficult for 10 of the teams in the Scottish Premier league to attract that sort of player. I hope that Notts County don't go the same road as Gretna and Livingston, money allows a rise to the big league then knocks them back down when it can't be sustained.

One thing I'm really bad at is understanding what people mean. I often read too much into what they say which is probably due to paranoia and then begin to worry that I've done something wrong. I should and could expand on this point but currently can't think of how to put it in writing.

Just read on yahoo news that police in Peru found two turkeys which had been stuffed with cocaine. I bet that's ruined Kerry Katona's Christmas now.

Tomorrow I'll be talking about natures entrepreneurs and leading Algebra experts the Giant Panda. Also set to be the next James Bond Villain Mr Mascarapanda.

Monday, 24 August 2009

Monday 24th August 2009

It's a nice day today, sun is shining, the sky is blue and there's not much of a breeze. I didn't have a decent picture so have used a screenshot from World of Warcraft. It's a picture of a Draenei Paladin in Loch Modan I was leveling earlier this year. I leveled it with a friend, I picked protection spec as I knew there was so many retribution paladins around. After getting to level 80 I noticed that I found paladins to be probably the most boring class in the game, they're easy to play but damn so dull, not enough melee abilities for my liking.

Today I decided to have a bit of clean, I thought it was about time, especially after I discovered an old TV guide dated June 2003. To be fair to me though and to try make it sound slightly better it was amongst my old university stuff. It's only after a quick clean I realise the ridiculous volume of Irn Bru I drink. The vast number of empty 2litre bottles looks like a years supply but in reality the 2 black bags worth is about a month. I seriously did try to cut down.

My sister sent me some information about evening classes. You can get it partially paid when you're unemployed in the hope a new skill would make it easier to find a job. She said she'd pay for the rest. Maybe I'm just not used to people being nice to me but I don't know how to really react to something so gracious. I feel somewhat a burden but I know that's not how she wants me to feel. She's doing it for my benefit and I am grateful, not sure how to express that to a family member though. That may sound odd but I've always found it easier to say please and thank you to people I don't really know and friends rather than to family. There's a couple of benefits to doing some evening classes, 1 it'd stimulate my brain a bit more, 2 it'd hopefully aid social interactions. Sadly looking at the courses there's not much that interests me.

Health wise, I see the doctor on Wednesday again, I think he's going to consider doubling my dosage which I'm not sure about. The medication doesn't really be seeming to have much of an effect but maybe I just don't notice.

As usual I've forgot what I was actually going to write about.

Anyways I'll mention another website, it was brought to my attention by a crazy person but it is rather amusing and some of the pictures bring a smile to my face. Click Here.

I'm not sure why people are allowed out of prison on compassionate reasons to die when they get sentenced to life imprisonment. Of course I'm talking about the Lockerbie bomber who has only a few months to live. The Americans aren't happy about his release, neither are some people in the UK but what I don't understand is why they're getting all high and mighty when they went to Iraq and slaughtered a lot of people on false pretences. I don't know if the Iraq war was right or wrong in the long term but again something that puzzles me is why the situation in Zimbabwe was any different. More importantly with the Scottish parliment convening a week early to discuss the release of the Lockerbie bomber it meant the tv show Monk, wasn't on. How unfair.

Yesterday my father was watching some of the V festival on 4 music and asked me who some band were, few minutes later he says " I assume that's Lady GaGa " I replied " Yes you can tell by the awful music " to which he said " She doesn't have much clothes on either " . There's something unsettling about your father watching Lady GaGa bounce around when even I don't.

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Saturday 22nd August 2009

As I mentioned yesterday I ordered the live streaming of Blizzcon. I got it to see what announcements would be made reguarding World of Warcraft. I wasn't too disappointed, the announcements were good and the panel interviews were interesting too. A lot of the information was released onto the web in a matter of minutes. Annoyingly it kept buffering at key points during the start which I assume was due to that's when most people were watching.

I also watched the contest section. The costume contest was um well interesting to say the least. The crowd of a reported twenty thousand, cheered for two main types of contestants, one being males who had put a lot of effort into their costumes, the second being for "attractive" females who should some cleavage, mainly dressed as Night Elves and Blood Elves. It was like watching the gaming worlds version of Miss World, just seemed odd. It was mainly fairly slim females who participated, not what you normally think of when you imagine World of Warcraft. I guess it makes them feel better about themselves when they hear the crowd cheer for them though. It didn't seem like the announcer really knew what he was talking about, he kept saying things that sounded like he was just reading from cards. Should say it's not just World of Warcraft, there's also Starcraft and Diablo too.

Watching some of the movies that people have made using World of Warcaft is rather impressive though. The entries in the top three were really creative, well made and a bit funny.

The sound alike contest was quite strange, some guy did the voice of a Dwarf NPC (Non Player Character) which has a Scottish accent, the guy was quite bad really. I could do it better but I guess having a Scottish accent already makes it slightly unfair. Some folk were taking it scarily seriously whilst others were trying it with a comedy angle and then there were some who just did it for the hell of it, doing impressions of a Murloc.

The contest section was hosted by Jay Mohr, I probably recognise him most as the annoying guy from Jerry Maguire, which of course could mean Tom Cruise. Although nowadays I hear him most as a voice in Saints Row 2. He was quite funny.

The sound alike contest was interupted to start the dance contest. Arguable it was the most strange. I know my friend would of enjoyed the female Draenei dances, he'd of probably been interested in the female Draenei in the costume contest too, they even had tails. I assume it wasn't real tails though. Some of the contestants looked like they had been practicing for the past year since the last Blizzcon, or in the case of someone doing the Orc male which is based on MC Hammers "Can't touch this", practicing for two years. Even had the dodgy trousers. Sadly the streaming coverage stopped around then which was disappointing, didn't get to see who won the dance and sound alike contests or the number one World of Warcraft movie, although it was almost 5am by then.

Time to be depressed football-wise.

Falkirk 1 - Hibs 3

Just gets worse, I ken it's only the second game of the season but I'd like to see at least a point on the table for Falkirk and less goals against. Falkirk have scored two goals wooooooooo but then you realise that there's been seven goals scored against them in just two games. I hope we don't lose our better players to some lower league English teams but I can see them leaving at the end of the transfer window if Falkirk lose again next week.

Scottish football just seems uninteresting compared to England this season. It's quite good that there's a number of Scottish players in the premier league though. The likes of Steven Fletcher, Steven Caldwell and Graham Alexander at Burnley, Alan Hutton at Spurs and of course Darren Fletcher at Manchester Utd. There are others obviously. Getting first team action in the English premier should help the Scotland international squad which is always good. Might be others by the end of the transfer window, especially if Celtic fail to beat Arsenal in the Champions league qualifier. Which I think they will.

I managed to get the shower jammed a few days ago, well I thought I had, after 2 days of trying to turn it and hurting my hand in the process, I realised I was turning it the wrong way. Stupid. Finally with that knowledge I managed to turn the shower. However in the 2 days of turning it the wrong way, sometimes with the help of a hammer, it seems I have broken it so no water comes out. ARGH!!!

Also in todays paper it seems America isn't happy with Scotland following the release of the Lockerbie bomber.

Friday, 21 August 2009

Friday 21st August 2009

Well went for the interview today, killed my lovely sideburns and tufty my friend in order to look more presentable. It went fairly badly, I began to panic and the room was absolutely roasting so sweated a lot which is rather horrible. I sat for an hour trying to undo the top button of my shirt for an hour which didn't work.

It was a fairly informal interview with the group sitting around a table discussing what they think the job would involve and several other similar questions. I spoke twice in the whole hour, I was the second youngest there, most people were 46+ which seemed daunting. There was one guy who had done the same sort of job before so he spoke a lot. I'm fairly confident I did badly.

I decided to order the live streaming of Blizzcon, probably a mistake but it's my mistake.

Watched the Hearts match last night, they were in Croatia playing Dinamo Zagreb and got humped 4-0. It was awful. Scottish football is just getting worse.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Thursday 20th August 2009

Pretty crummy day, grey and wet outside.

Feeling anxious about the interview tomorrow.

Watched the champions league qualifier with Panathanikos v Athletico Madrid last night, sorry if I miss spelt that. Was a good match, unlike the Celtic V Arsenal match the previous night. Bad result for Scottish football and will probably get worse in the next leg.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Wednesday 19th August 2009

I managed to start the day well by getting my jeans leg stuck on my computer chair whilst I kept walking and subsequently fell over, both me and the chair.

It's been a damp, cold, grey and windy day here and all that can be described in one word, dreich.

Been working the old brain with a few sudoku puzzles, I'm still good at them, shame it doesn't pay anything.

I play a game called World of Warcraft which is fairly popular. This coming friday there's the Blizzcon event happening in California, America. Unfortunately I won't be there but you can order the live streaming for just under £25. Trying to decide if I should get it or not, I only really want to watch to see what new announcements they make, which of course would be released onto the net soon afterwards. So is £25 really worth paying just to feel a part of something? Hmm.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Tuesday 18th August 2009

I forgot to mention this yesterday but I was watching the world championship athletics a couple of days ago now and firstly, Usain Bolts run in the 100m was pretty incredible, although I'm sure I could beat him easily. Secondly I noticed that after the final event in the heptathlon all the competitors got together to celebrate in front of the fans which seemed strange at first since normally you'd be quite gutted at not winning. However I guess in multi eventing you spend a lot of time with the other competitors, form bonds and grow closer, maybe it's just the women though.

Was getting my hair cut today and the place was rather busy which didn't help me much, I began to feel nauseous and panic half way through so just said yes to everything the hairdresser said to hurry her up. Probably not the greatest idea. The hairdresser was really small, I was taller than her sitting down.

Monday, 17 August 2009

Monday 17th August 2009

Added a picture since the subject isn't the most cheerful. It's just a picture of Loch Ness. Not a great picture but it's still a picture.

Everyone is affected by death at some stage in their life, if you're lucky it's only towards the end and your own. It's probably the hardest thing to deal with and there's many ways to cope with it although none of them really provide any sort of real relief. Time only dulls the feelings but can never truly remove the affect. My method of coping with death is comedy, not always meant though. Especially when it comes to someone else and you're trying to cheer them up, it probably comes across as insensitive though but it's the only way I have, I just don't sound genuine when being sincere.

One of the issues with death, especially when younger is knowing how to act / feel when someone dies. It's not a particularly easy thing to comprehend, not the dying itself but the emotions afterwards. The hardest death I've personally had to cope with was of my maternal grandfather, it was a long time ago now but still deeply saddens me. I never really knew how much until I went to counselling a few years ago. The counsellor asked many things over ten sessions but only being asked about him made me cry. Of course being male I tried to hold it in, blinking rapidly to try to friction dry my eyes, taking deep breaths and looking towards the ceiling. None of that really helped.

I don't know why it affects me so much now since at the time I don't remember feeling the same pain sitting at my grans house in the morning after he died or at the funeral. It was the first funeral I had actual been to despite my paternal grandfather dying already. I wasn't allowed to go to that funeral, not sure why.

I've always felt with failing university and not trying hard enough with anything that I've let people down.

I've been to university twice. Whilst at my first university I had my first real girlfriend and when I was in second year she found me up, she was crying and I couldn't fully make out what she was saying on the phone. I caught the gist of it. She said she had just got back from the doctors and had been told she had had a miscarriage. She didn't know she was pregnant and I certainly didn't know, after all paranoia had taught me to use protection. I wasn't fully sure how a hard hat, shin guards and a good thorough rinse of Listerine was meant to help but I was prepared, maybe I shouldn't of hid in my hands in social education at school but Christ those pictures they show are awful and the films are even worse. Not the acting but the subject content, although the acting wasn't great I didn't really BELIEVE she was giving birth, no passion, just grunts and screams. Anyways back to reality, I didn't know what to say to her at the time, I didn't want kids then and I was ten minutes away from starting my end of year exam. Surprisingly I didn't do too well in that exam.
I actually did so bad that I had to explain why to the vice dean of natural sciences, I told the truth and they obviously didn't believe me.

I remember feeling anger towards her for her timing, I know it wasn't her fault or intention and I now feel guilty about it.

It's been over six years now but I still don't understand how a miscarriage is supposed to affect men. I guess if you're trying for a child it'd be devastating, perhaps that's a little strong but disappointing doesn't seem strong enough. I didn't want kids at the time but did I feel glad about the miscarriage? No. I don't know what I felt, I still don't. I don't know how I'm meant to feel. Is it really that big a deal? They say talking helps but I've never really spoken to my family about anything too personal, only recently opening up a bit to my sister. Being male I guess it's a bit harder especially with mostly male friends, they're not going to be very helpful with matters like this.

I just remember thinking, nothing specific but just thinking. Thoughts racing through my mind over and over. That's one of the problems I have, I am constantly thinking, over analysing everything, every negative thing that has happened over more than two decades. I never forget negative things, just store them up then lay awake thinking. I'm not sure if that why I normally get nightmares but lately with the use of the medication I seem to be sleeping easier and thinking less. Which I am grateful for.

My sister lost one of her cats a while ago, it was never found so it's probably worse for her and her husband not knowing what actually happened to the cat. It's sad really, I don't think I can bare my cat dying. In the past we've had dogs, fish, hamster and other pets, whilst it was sad for the dogs to die, I was younger at the time so the affect wasn't as great as it would be with my current cat who I've had since a kitten. It hopefully won't be for a long time though. Thinking now we had one of the dogs from a puppy since we had its mother who gave birth to it, obviously. The only real memories I have are of her eating grass and running on the motorway. She didn't die on the motorway but got injured and her back legs hopped along rather than ran.

It seems difficult to recall any happy memories.

I noticed a story on yahoo news earlier saying that children should not be given processed meat for their packed lunches as in adults it's being linked with bowel cancer. This is a bit of a problem for me since I ate mostly lunch meat rolls for my six years of high school plus numerous lunches since. I like it since I like to eat ham and chicken along with other meats. It seems everything causes cancer these days. It won't stop me eating sandwich meat since Marks & Spencers honey roast ham is delicious.

Trying to remember the difference between affect and effect is making my brain collapse. Since leaving university I'm sure my IQ has halved.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Sunday 16th August 2009

Half way through August already, this year has flown by.

Yesterday evening was very windy, kept making my tv go funny which is never fun. Not a bad day today, I can see some grey clouds at the moment but also some sunshine, still a tad windy too.

Rather annoyed by my father, yet again, he was in the fridge complaining about the volume of water at the bottom, tried to blame it on the bottles of water I keep in the fridge before I showed him that none of the water has actually escaped and the most likely cause will be condensation from when he insists on turning the fridge temperature down.

Much to the disappointment of someone I'm going to get my hair cut on tueday in preparation for my job interview. No idea how I'll get it cut since I never know what to ask for so I just say shorter and hope the hairdresser knows what she's doing. Generally hairdressers try to be friendly but being awful at conversations I usually just provide one word answers which cut conversations short. It's something I really should work on.

I need to phone up to enquire about some other jobs tomorrow so it's a case of finding the courage and trying not to panic. Probably write down what I want to say before hand but knowing me I'll lose the ability to read.

Last night I discovered that it's rather difficult to help someone with a logic puzzle when you can't see what they're looking at. Managed to help in the end but took a while. I think problem solving is one of my strongest abilities, it's something that I enjoyed a lot in studying chemistry and biology at university. Sadly I was awful at trying to remember information for exams when you had essay questions. I also let myself down by my style of writing. My lecturers kept telling me to alter it but I have an awful habit of putting comedy in which probably isn't particularly helpful when you're writing an essay on the Rous Sarcoma Virus.

Just listening to the football today, I was rather disappointed with Manchester Utd's performance and I hope they'll sign a big name before the transfer window closes. However I'm happy that Liverpool lost to Tottenham.

As I said before there was a body found in the canal here and surprisingly another was found in the canal just 6 days later, not in the same place but it's still rather strange.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Saturday 15th August 2009

Haven't done much today but not a good day. Was listening to the mighty Falkirk play Rangers in the SPL, it ended :

Rangers 4 - Falkirk 1

It sounded like Falkirk were playing fairly well but obviously not good enough. I'm not particularly keen on the Falkirk goalkeeper, Robert Olejnik. We've had some decent keepers on loan in previous seasons like Tim Krul and Kasper Schmeical (son of Peter) but generally we have young goalkeepers who lack some experience. Hopefully it will get better.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Friday 14th August 2009

With the rain steadily falling, grey sky for miles leaving a dull view from the large window ironically overlooking the store Bright House, it was a rather dreich day. I swapped one dull view for another and slowly swung back around in my chair to gaze at the monitor sitting before me. With the mouse in one hand and a lot of hope in the other I began to sift through the jobs. One after another they all said " Requires experience " or " experience is essential " killing off the hope I held, bit by bit.

With that being said I did apply for a couple more jobs and there's one I have to phone up about, absolutely terrified about phoning strangers though. Got to do it though.

As for medication, feeling fine and I'm pretty sure the anxiety is decreasing now.

Tomorrow sees the start of the Scottish football premier league, C'MON THE BAIRNS!!

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Thursday 13th August 2009

The thing I hate most about this employment course is the fact that I run out of stuff to do within an hour at most and then I'm left with the rest of the day with nothing to actually do. Like most people I'd probably get fed up working and having no free time for myself but the good points about working outweigh the bad by a long way, unless of course the job is something completely awful like being Russel Brand's stylist. I was speaking to the woman who runs the course about my job interview next week and she said she'll organise a mock group interview so as much as that sounds awful it's also rather nice that they go to that trouble.

Yesterdays Scotland match was just depressing, it ended:

Norway 4 - Scotland 0

It was going fine for the first wee while then Gary Caldwell got sent off for a minor incident which acted as a catalyst for this awful result. Prior to the match I had hoped for a one nil win for Scotland, obviously Scottish people weren't meant to be optimistic and we were punished.

This also brings another valid argument for a change to when the Scottish domestic season is played. Before this there was already talk of having it played during the summer so that Scottish teams would be better prepared for taking part in European competitions after some dismal results. With Falkirk, Aberdeen and Motherwell all getting knocked out before getting into the proper competition. Celtic have the hard task of beating Arsenal to get into the Champions league proper.

As for myself well I'm feeling fine at the moment, I believe I feel less anxious in public so that's improvement. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Wednesday 12th August 2009

It's a picture of a Scottish wildcat taken from the highland wildlife park. Wildcats are highly endangered and with the ability to breed with domestic/feral cats it dilutes the pure wildcat gene pool.

Looking at today's paper is rather depressing. There's a study been done on the effects of fizzy juice on the liver which has revealed that it can cause long term liver damage. It says

"The study found that people who drank a daily litre of fizzy drinks or fresh fruit juices were five times more likely to develop fatty liver disease." (Daily Express)

Since for as long as I can remember I've been drinking a few litres of Irn Bru daily this could pose a problem for me. Of course I am being paranoid but I've long known that my love for Irn Bru isn't a healthy one but have always thought I don't drink alcohol so hey how bad can it be. I think that it's made worse that they have mentioned fresh fruit juices, that's what I like to start the day and have always assumed fruit juice is good. I know that fruit juice contains natural sugars that are bad for the teeth but never thought for one moment that they can cause liver damage.

This year I have been trying to cut back on my consumption of Irn Bru and drink more water but that was for wanting to get fitter. This news about fruit juice has further ruined by breakfast routine when the other day I looked at my normal breakfast cereal, crunchy nut cornflakes they had 12% of your GDA amount of sugar in a 30g portion. Looking at the other breakfast cereals in the house,

  • Fruit & Fibre 30g portion has 15% GDA sugar and 12% GDA of saturated fats
  • Muesli 50g portion 18% sugar and 9% Saturated fats
  • Nature's Pleasure 45g portion 10% sugar and 3% Saturated fats
  • Crunchy nut 30g portion 12% sugar 1% saturated fats

I suppose one good thing is the low volume of saturated fats within Crunchy nut cornflakes but for a person like me who consumes a fair volume of sugar in fruit and fizzy drinks it's quite worrying. You can't make a direct comparison between each one since there's three different volumes of tested portions within them. I could sit here and work out the volumes correctly to make a better comparison and in fact I think I will, bare with me a moment.

If I take the figure of 450g as one that all four of the products can be multiplied to I get

  • Fruit & Fibre 450g / 225% sugar GDA / 180% saturated fats GDA
  • Muesli 450g / 162% sugar GDA / 81% saturated fats GDA
  • Nature's Pleasure 450g / 100% sugar GDA / 30% saturated fats GDA
  • Crunchy nut 450g / 180% sugar GDA / 15% saturated fats GDA
Of course no one is going to eat 450g of breakfast cereal in one sitting although as a child I did use to eat a large bowl of cereal when there was nothing else to eat. Once I accidentally dropped the tv remote into a bowl of cornflakes which didn't please my father.

Anyways I'd guess 30g is a decent volume to take therefore we get

  • Fruit & Fibre 30g / 15% sugar GDA / 12% saturated fats GDA
  • Muesli 30g / 10.8% sugar GDA / 5.4% saturated fats GDA
  • Nature's Pleasure 30g / 6.67% sugar GDA / 2% saturated fats GDA
  • Crunchy nut 30g / 12% sugar GDA / 1% saturated fats GDA
Thus we can make a direct comparison based on these two elements, of course there are other elements to consider such as calories, fat and salt. Too much salt isn't particularly good for you and I know that the fruit & fibre and muesli both had 7%, the crunchy nut had 6% and the nature's pleasure had under 1%. Therefore out of these four cereals the natures pleasure is the best for you I think. Although personally I would still prefer to eat the crunchy nut. I'm most surprised by the fruit & fibre, I was always given the impression that it was very healthy and tasted awful but is it worth eating that much sugar and saturated fats just to have firm faeces. Obviously I'm not a qualified scientist but damn I look good in a lab coat.

Well this morning I was at the doctors, it was a quick appointment, basically he said that I should go back in two weeks and if there's no effect of the medication he may need to double the dose since I'm quite tall. After that if there's still no effect he may have to change me over to a different medication. I'm not particularly keen on that since the Citalopram made me feel awful. Other than that he talked about psychotherapy and that I should hear from them soon to find out when I'll be getting an appointment. He did also mention that he doesn't know how long the waiting list is so it could be a while before I get anything.

It's a rather sunny day outside, which is nice. Good for the cat anyway since he'll be able to sleep in the warm patches beside windows.
Yesterday I found him sleeping on a pile of freshly cleaned towels, he has his own bed but still feels this urge to sleep somewhere else. In fact I don't think he's ever used the cat bed despite my attempts of making it more enticing with catnip.
He likes to sleep on my bed when I'm not there which is great in winter for heating up the sheets but he does tend to sleep on the most awkward position. Two nights ago I went to bed around 4am and the cat was sleeping on the edge of the bed so I didn't disturb him. I was finding it rather difficult to get to sleep and finally got off when 10 seconds later I woke up, the cat had started purring and his purrs are quite a low tone, he was causing the whole bed to vibrate. I managed to fall asleep again but woke up after half a minute, I was in a drowsy state so picked up the cat, which is hard at the best of times thanks to his claws taking half the bed with him. I thought that would make him leave, I turned over and went to sleep. Five minutes I'm awake for the third time, he's laying on top of my pillows purring deeply. Eventually I resorted to blowing on his ears to make him move.
Two hours later he's back wanting fed.

As you can see I'm writing a fair bit today to make up for yesterdays pitiful offering. At this rate I'll be able to write about the Scotland match whilst it's being played.

I live in a small town / village, actually I don't know what you should call it since it's joined onto another town. Anyway I live in a fairly small place, there's a telephone box ( it's a box with a phone in it that was used before mobiles were common place and often as a public toilet, no this isn't sarcasm but that was.) that had an advertisement for a new film called Orphan. It has the tag lines, " There's something wrong with Esther." and " You'll never guess her secret" since it's a horror film I'm guessing it's going to be something to do with having murderous tendencies.

My first thought was,

She's an orphan because she killed her family.

I thought that was too logical so then I came up with

  • She's the only female who hasn't slept with Russel Brand.
  • She's actually a 30yo Russian gymnast who suffers from amnesia
  • She's addicted to cheap cider to try to dull the pain of hemorrhoids that are the bane of her life she got whilst riding her pony.

Oh I received a letter today saying that I have got a job interview on the 21st, woooooooo then I read it's a group interview. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost forgot this is post number 31 so that's a whole months worth.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Tuesday 11th August 2009

Have to go back to the doctors tomorrow to see how I'm getting on with the medication, should be a fairly quick check up since I'm not having the same issues as I had with the Citalopram. So far I still don't seem any different to how I was before but I guess it will take more time.

Monday, 10 August 2009

Monday 10th August 2009

For some reason I've been rather tired today, I had quite a long sleep which doesn't bode well for getting up early later in the week.

I keep meaning to write about some things but always seem to forget, I guess I'm senile now. Along with my spelling I'd say how I structure my writing isn't particularly good, there's always something I'll talk about and never really follow it up with something constructive. It's like wandering into your home and announcing "I found this pony" then leaving the creature standing in the living room staring blankly at the tv, probably trying to work out the killer in midsomer murders and never mentioning the pony again.

Anyways one of the things I was going to mention last week was about an article that was featured in the Daily Express on wednesday. It was about what women want in men, lookswise, it said "Eight out of 10 females no longer go for the tall, slim feminine look..." . The article was referring to the metrosexuality of modern day footballers but I couldn't help but wonder if these eight out of 10 females had just not realised till now that Paula Radcliffe isn't a man.

As for medication after 12 days still no side effects, fingers crossed.

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Sunday 9th August 2009

Chelsea won this seasons community shield winning 4-1 on penalties after the match ended 2-2. I'd of preferred to have seen Manchester United win and I thought they would of after the first half sounded like they were more or less in control. With the transfer window closing in a few weeks I wonder if any of the bigger team will buy any more big players, Arsenal have sold more than they've brought in so I'd assume they might need to strengthen.

Seeing what teams like Aston Villa and Manchester City have done within the transfer market makes me think this could be a more competitive season but I'm no expert.

Meanwhile in Scotland I can't see anyone but Celtic winning the Scottish premier league. Sure I'd like to see Falkirk lift the title but I'm slightly more realistic than that. Rangers haven't bought anyone yet and have sold some of their squad whereas Celtic have brought in a few decent players.

Scotland also have a crucial world cup qualifying match mid week against Norway, I'm not sure how it'll go really, I'd be more confident if we had Kris Boyd playing. I assume it'll be played in Oslo, Norway are no where near as good as they used to be but I can't see this being an easy match, I expect and hope it'll be a 1-0 win for Scotland.

I was just looking at the BBC football website and read a story about the captain of a Spanish team, Espanyol, Daniel Jarque did whilst training at the age of 26. That's the same age as myself and a few years ago whilst being tested for Marfans syndrome the doctors found I had an issue with my heart, nothing major though I think. Anyway the player died of heart failure which was brought to media attention as far as I can remember by the Cameroon player Marc-Vivien Foe and more recently and closer to home by Motherwell captain Phil O'Donnell. I can't understand why with all the developments in sport, the backroom staff, physios and doctors how they can't monitor players and see if there is any risk to them.

Currently playing Saints Row 2 with my brother in law over xbox live. It's a lot of fun really and hilarious, however we use the headset to chat so whilst talking to him, if my father comes into the room he thinks that I'm actually saying something to him which is rather annoying.

Had to start on a new sheet of fluoxetine today, still going ok, haven't noticed any side effects. Fingers crossed.

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Saturday 8th August 2009

It's a picture of Ben Nevis from I think it's the commando memorial. It's just from a camera phone but I thought the way the clouds look it looks like it's a volcano erupting.

Ah well for starters I feel like a bit of an eejit, I think I've been spelling dreich wrong for my life, apparently it doesn't have a t on the end but to me that looks wrong without it. I usually look like an eejit anyway when I'm trying to spell words, my grasp of the english language is fairly bad, I sit there and start saying words out loud in order to try to spell them correctly.

Well it's that time of year, the new football season starts. It won't be untill next week that the mighty Falkirk get their campaign under way though against the team that beat them in the final of the Scottish cup, Rangers. So far Rangers have only really sold players, Falkirk have brought in some new faces but have also lost a few, including the manager Yogi. I think this will be a better season league wise though.

Like most other days I've forgotten what I was actually going to write. I was sorting some music on itunes and swung around quickly on my chair, only like a foot but it made me fall off backwards.

On day ten of taking fluoxetine and I feel physically fine, I haven't noticed much change to depression yet but at least I don't have the added anxiety of not wanting to be sick in public. Very thankful for that.

Friday, 7 August 2009

Friday 7th August 2009

When I look back I feel I've missed out on a lot of things in life. Most people my age would be out tonight getting drunk, being unsociable and a non drinker means I skipped this part of growing up. Won't dwell here too much as today I just feel rather lonely.

Was at the course today, felt fine but warm. On the way home I passed an area where the police had cordoned off an area of road and had covered something over with a blue sheet of plastic. No idea what it was but a crowd had gathered.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Thursday 6th August 2009

Feeling rather anxious today, not sure if I actually feel nauseous or it's just in my head. At my course and it's going better than other days so far, touch wood. Again it's a warm day in Scotland by my standards anyway, luckily have a bottle of water with me so hopefully won't sweat a tonne. I have a stiff pain in my shoulder, nothing to do with the medication, I fell asleep watch tv with my arm propping my head up and must of rolled over onto it.

The problem with not being a people person is you never know what to say when someone starts randomly talking to you, a lot of people manage to hold a conversation with just about anyone. Personally I find it hard and usually can't pass a few grunts or ayes.

Some jobs have really strange names that give the impression of something more bizarre than what they really are. For example I just noticed a job for " Monumental letter cutter " my first thought was that it was standing in front of an audience waiting for important news and you open the letter to excitable cheers from the crowd. Woooo.....sadly it wasn't, it was for lead letter cutting.

Sitting in a room for 5 hours a day just looking at jobs is rather dull. I usually finish doing job searches within 30minutes. Most job sites either have nothing appropriate for me or have nothing within this area. I wouldn't mind travelling to Glasgow or Edinburgh since I travelled to Glasgow for university for 4 years.

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Wednesday 5th August 2009

Exhausted, bloody warm day today, although saying that I'm not the worlds greatest lover of warm weather. If it wasn't for my fear of ice I'd wish it was winter more often. Today I went out into the world for the purpose of shopping, it went fairly ok but standing in a shop dripping sweat off of my forehead is not particularly pleasurable for me or anyone around. I was feeling rather anxious and the journey home on the bus was far from being a rollercoaster ride but it was a white knuckle ride for me.

It's in weather like this that I hate having hair. Usually I wear a hat but today my head was roasting so I had to go hatless which posed a few problems. One being it's harder to see in the sun so a lot of squinting and the other to do with my fringe becoming saturated with sweat. Lovely. Hats are great since you just stick them on your head and no one will see your hair, however it's getting to the stage where I'm thinking is it appropriate to wear a hat all the time, it may be viewed as more youthful. Not being particularly fashionable I have no idea what to really do with hair or what style of haircut to get, I hate really short hair but I also find long hair too warm, however I know at least one person who is reading this is very much of the opinion that long is better. That person likes Lady GaGa so I'm not sure how vaild her opinion is.

Yesterday everything looked too blocked together so hopefully I've learnt and will now space stuff out. The other thing about hats I like is being able to hide. In Scotland we have a sub species of human called neds, neds like to wear baseball caps so that the skip of the hat is at a 90degree angle to their head, basically sticking right up in the air. Personally I go for the opposite direction and have the skip of my hat pointed down, covering my eyes, making me INVISABLE!!

Keeping with the hair theme, I have some quality sideburns and a stroking patch under my bottom lip called Tufty. Tufty began his life after I got fed up of slicing my lip whilst shaving, since then I've grown to love Tufty. However is it really that cool to have sideburns, I like them I think but I wonder if they would be a disadvantage when going for interviews. They're not thin fashionable sidies or lambchops, they're nice straight sideburns down to the jaw. I want to start growing them down from the jaw so I can form plaits. I'm not sure if I want to get rid of my obviously minted sideburns and by minted I mean quality, nothing to do with over zealous brushing of the teeth.

Lost my train of thought, I went away and watched the Dinamo Moscow v Celtic match. It finished 2 nil to Celtic with it being 2-1 on agg. I'm not a Celtic fan but it's good that they got through for Scottish football.

Was thinking about getting a job as a Michael Jackson impersonator, shouldn't be that hard now, just need twice as much talcum powder as before and perhaps a few lessons from a border collie on how to play dead.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Monday 4th August 2009

Seriously annoyed at the moment, I sold an item on ebay a few weeks ago, only for the buyer to start saying he must ask a question on MSN. I told him that it's safer for both of us to talk through the ebay system so it keeps a record. I'd of thought that'd be a sensible thing but no he still persisted on only asking his question through MSN, I told him that it'd be faster if he just asks there. He replied that it'd be faster for him to talk through MSN, I was getting rather suspicious at this stage, well to be honest I was suspicious from the start but that could be paranoia, anyway I said that I didn't use MSN and didn't even have it installed so it would be easier just to ask me there. I'm not sure if I'm surprised or not by his response, he actually said that I can install MSN on my computer and how easy it was. By this stage I decided to look at his "100%" positive feeback, all of it was positive at this point, I looked at the feedback he had left for a seller, there was one and it was negative. I sent a message to that seller and asked about his dealings with the buyer, as I suspected he told be the buyer was a fraudster. I sent a message to ebay and waited, got a generic response then had to wait till a week had passed to claim my fees then a further 10 days or so before they had processed it. After this point I again looked at the buyers feedback, still "100%" positive but now with around 10 comments declaring him as a fraudster, I wondered why all these people hadn't left negative feedback so went to leave my own. I was shocked to find my only options were to leave positive feedback or none. How was this fraudster allowed to leave negative feedback against an honest seller yet we're not allowed to leave truthful feedback against them.
After a week I relisted my item, at more expense, it was bought out last night which I was pleased about. My pleasure barely lasted 20minutes, I looked at the message I had recieved from the buyer, it was a different buyer but the exact same message as the fraudster. Obviously this person is hacking ebay accounts since this buyer had well over 400positive feedback, I immediately sent an email to ebay telling them and have just recieved a response. I have to reply to ebays email with the details of the fraudsters messages and include headers, I don't have a clue how to find out the headers.
I'd assume what the fraudster is doing is finding someone who'll talk on MSN, send them a keylogger then hey presto get another persons account to purchase items.

With that aside I'm feeling ok today, little bit tired but that might be nothing to do with the medication.

Next problem is what to have for lunch.

Monday, 3 August 2009

Monday 3rd August 2009

I remember reading in the paper a few weeks ago about a girl who got charged by her bank after going 1p overdrawn after buying something in a shop. You get charged around £20 or £25 or so and last year I was in a similar position when I had gone overdrawn but immediately had put money back into my account to cover the overdrawn amount and the fee in case they added it on. They did add a fee on which out me 1p in the red, being a student at the time I didn't have an income and it eventually spiraled up to £200. As with the rest of my family I prefer to complain to friends or family and just lump it rather than stand up and complain to an actual business or company. I just don't like making a fuss. It's not just banks, I've been in subway and had salad put on my sandwich when I had specified none and even worse came away with something that I hadn't ordered. One is probably my fault since I don't speak that loud and the female was foreign so may of misunderstood my accent, the latter was during a very busy lunch time and they must of mixed up the sandwiches at the till. I never went back to complain, firstly because by the time I sat down to eat my lunch I was miles away and secondly I just didn't want to complain. A long time ago I got chips from a chip shop, asked for just salt and ended up with salt, vinegar and brown sauce. I don't like vinegar or brown sauce but was so hungry I ate it, I still don't like vinegar or brown sauce.

It's now day 5 of being on Fluoxetine and I feel no side effects so that's good. One thing I have noticed now that I'm on Fluoxetine is I still have nightmares most nights, when I was on Citalopram I can't remember having one. I might not sound like much but I do suffer from recurring dreams. Apparently I talk in my sleep so it is a bit of a worry not knowing if I'm saying something aloud.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

Sunday 2nd August 2009

As I said yesterday I love music, I really do, I can't play any instrument and I can't sing though. I usually always have my ipod in my pocket which is great, I like to listen to it while I walk along, the only problem is when Neil Diamond comes on and I want to sing along to it, I blame my parents for that.

Today I've noticed pretty much no side effects of the medication, slight dry feeling in the eyes and minor pins and needles but that might not have anything to do with it.

In the process of cooking my dinner at the moment so will keep todays post rather short. Dinner is chicken and meatballs in a kung po sauce with rice.

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Saturday 1st August 2009

Actually can't remember the name of place I took this but it was up north when I was on a wee trip with my Sister and her Husband. We had a meal in pub, I remember having a cheeseburger, there was a wedding party going on at the same time, it was very tasteful with Rangers tartan kilts. Classy.

Wow it's August already, I'm into my second month of blogging coolio, although technically I guess a second month of blogging would be over 30 posts but you know what I mean. It seems strange that we're now in the eighth month of this year and I really can't think of anything that I've actually done, Christmas doesn't seem that long ago and soon the shops will have their Christmas displays up and running. I bet kids these days associate Santa with Hallowe'en more than Christmas now thanks to shops and their premature displays. I've actually had Christmas decorations up in my room for like 12 years, I just couldn't be bothered to take them down, it's only a couple of the shiny chain things that go around the tops of walls, I'm surprised they haven't collapsed under the weight of the dust on them. I'm probably not helping things talking about Christmas now when it's just turned August.

Today I'm feeling fine, no side effects from the medication, just wish I had started on Fluoxetine rather than Citalopram.

As you can see I've added another picture to try and brighten up my posts slightly. It's again taken from just a camera phone but a different one, it's my newish phone which is a Samsung Tocco Lite. I actually don't particularly like it, it's not that bad but just doesn't suit me. It's a touch screen phone, first one I've had and it's fairly easy to use for texting since the virtual buttons are fairly large but it seems slow and it's easy to hit buttons you didn't mean if you hold it at an angle especially the language button. I keep texting and wondering why simple words are no longer coming up in predictive text, then realising I'm trying to type in Italian or Spanish. The camera is pretty sucky, it doesnt have a flash, I know that phones aren't supposed to be cameras but I don't have a decent camera and when I'm outside walking I like to take pictures of pretty things and having a wee camera on my phone helps with that. I miss my Sony Ericsson one, I still have it but the buttons don't like to work making in rather inconvenient. Another bad thing is I've always found Samsung batteries go down awfully fast which is highly annoying, funny though that the new Samsung advert is all about impatience so obviously that's why the battery doesn't last. One good thing is the auto lock, I've always had the problem of pressing buttons without meaning it whilst the phone was in my pocket, I used to keep texting my sister blank messages.

I love music, it's great, I like a wide variety ranging from Johnny Cash to Sepultura. I like to listen to the Wu Tang Clan and Cypress Hill, I find their music really relates to my roots, growing up in the harsh wilds of a central Scotland village. Songs like Catastrophe, When the S*** goes down and Legalize it really relate to the many of the issues in a community such as this like is that a dog that's urinated in the street or one of the many many OAPs waiting for the bus. Many many around here is approximately about four possibly five but never four and half. The problem with being half a person is if you only have the bottom half you wouldn't be able to tell the bus driver where you're going unless of course you're like my father and can talk out of your posterior. If you have no legs you wouldn't be able to actually get on the bus and nobody would really like picking up a torso but I guess at least you wouldn't smell of urine. Lastly if you were halved down the middle you wouldn't be able to stand up so that's just ridiculous.

Like most days I've actually forgot what I was going to write about.