Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Tuesday 6th October 2009

Yesterday feels so long ago. I don't understand it, this time yesterday I felt better, today I feel like shit again. I thought the past few weeks I was getting more at peace with myself then today I just hit a low again.

I know that mental health is a subject nobody likes to talk about, it's personal and people who don't understand it don't know why you can't just snap out of it. They tell you " just be happy " , " there's people worse off than you " or "stop looking for attention". I can't explain it, I don't know why I feel so paranoid and down, I don't know why I sit contemplating hanging myself. I do know I want to feel better. I want my life to be better. I want to do something with myself. I don't want to be me anymore.

What is it that stops me from being happy? I don't know. I really just don't know.

Does religion help? I've always thought I don't deserve to be happy, it's not like I've done anything bad but I haven't done anything good.

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