Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Tuesday 22nd December 2009

So today I had my last session of CBT. I think I felt better which is good although that was dampened by the ice that is everywhere. If you can imagine Bambi with haemorrhoids then that's how I walk in this weather. My mother thinks I'm being overly dramatic when I stand yelling at her.

" IT'S ICY I CAN SEE IT'S ICY THE PAVEMENT IS SHINY!!! YOU WANT ME TO FALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO FALL FROM THIS HEIGHT?!!! IF I FALL AND DIE IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT ICY? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT WANTS YOU TO THINK!!! IT'S CALLED BLACK ICY. IT'S STEALTHY. AS SOON AS I GO OUTSIDE IT'LL APPEAR THEN WHAM... DEAD"

Now you may agree with my mother but seriously I have ice paranoia, if I do see the pavement shining my ass tenses up and I walk like an old man with his cane in the wrong place. I even get passed by old people when trying to walk, they're old and frail and they care less about falling than I do. I'm sometimes tempted to kick them but then I'd be on one leg and that's less stable than two. I think to myself I'm either going to fall backwards and bang my head or fall forewards onto the kerb and smash my teeth like in American History X. Yes that had Edward Norton smashing the guys face off the kerb but I'm unlucky.

Since it was my last session and I'm a nice person I got a tin a chocolates for the dude who runs the course and a card to say thank you. I didn't know what to write on the card especially since I couldn't remember his name which really isn't the greatest of starts. Then I started over thinking the gift. Is it rather gay?

At the end of the session I went to give him the tin and basically said these are for you to say thanks. Since he's really short I almost smashed him in the face but it's the thought that counts.

It's nice to be nice. If everyone was a bit nicer then the world would be a better place. Although this would lessen my chances of becoming a ninja.

There's quite a lot of young people out sledging which seems rather daft to me since it's not snow they're sledging on, it's basically ice. I suppose you go faster but when the hill goes onto a main road is that what you actually want?

Pointless fact, I keep singing Rod Stewart songs in my head.

I think there's a high number of teenage pregnancies around here because when you have a baby you have a pram and that gives you an extra 4 points of contact with the ground making you more stable on ice. Sounds like a good theory to me. You're have to plan 9 months in advance though and that's if everything goes to plan.

2 comments:

  1. There's some law that states whenever there's ice anywhere in my vicinity my ass will graduate towards it like a magnet. An icy ass magnet. I always resemble a spindly baby deer who's been force fed amphetamines. On the upside, watching other people fall over on it is my favourite pastime. Since Canada is icy about half the year I have lots of fun...

    Incidentally, I am one of Jules' Blogger Out of Tune Idol judges and I am still both impressed and traumatized by your Smiths rendition. You'll have to wait till next week for the official comments though. :)

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  2. Just remember it's Out of Tune Idol so my singing is awesome for that tyoe of competition.

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