Sunday, 31 January 2010

Sunday 31st January 2010

Thank god January is almost over. Not been the funnest month especially the past few days. As I mentioned previously I was going to a funeral on Saturday, it was for my great uncle so didn't directly affect me. However it's family and it's better to go for my Gran. It was her brother in law and my Grandfathers death affected me, not entirely sure how but during counselling it was the thing that I just couldn't talk about and made me cry.

I was staying at my sisters the night before the funeral since it's just around the corner and at around 11pm there was a phone call to the house. My brother in laws father had died. Again it doesn't affect me directly although I talk to my brother in law a fair bit but in this circumstance I just didn't ken what to say. Normally I make jokes about death, I had a field day when MJ died but when it's family it's just bad taste. Not saying anything just seemed ignorant though. It's a times like those you wish you had an ice breaker like " I have AIDS ". In the past year both my sister and my brother in law have been a big help.

So with that bit of bad news neither of them slept much and he and some of his relatives had to head north in the morning. With the best of bad luck it had been snowing again which made my sister worry. Snow + ice + lack of sleep is not a good combination when walking so I highly doubt it's good for driving.

At the funeral I was surprised by the volume of people there, so many that the place was overcrowded. This didn't help me, I started to panic and drip sweat . Was horrible. Eventually my sister took my outside so I could calm down. After the service there was a reception which wasn't pleasant, so many old people all talking loudly and the room just felt like it was boiling, it may of been the lack of sleep but I started to feel dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out, I could just hear the blethering of the old people around me, it felt like hell.

It's strange seeing people you haven't seen in years and they look so old.

On a another sad not, Falkirk lost again.

Rangers 3 - Falkirk 0.

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Thursday 28th January 2010

Lets start with last nights football results, we didn't lose WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

it ended

Falkirk 0 - Motherwell 0

However we will be losing captain Darren Barr at the end of the season to Hearts, boooooooo.

Elsewhere in sport Andy Murray is into the final of the Aussie Tennis open final, obviously he's taking inspiration for my run in the out of tune idol. I'm a little scared that the world may come to an end soon when a Scot finally wins something.

At this current point in time I'm busy cooking a joint of pork, obviously not too busy since I'm writing this. The time is 21 : 52 when I'm typing this piece of news. That should let you ken it's fairly late at night. My Father thoughtfully brought it home after he noticed it on extra special discount since it's use by date is today. Of course I get to cook it since I'm the best cook and also because I complain when he tries to do something in the kitchen. He only kens how to make food taste bland. He's been cooking for more years than I've been alive and still doesn't ken you're meant to heat the pan before adding the food. He gets really pissed off when I point stuff out to him, especially when he uses a vegetable knife to cut meat. I'm only telling him because it's wrong but he just doesn't seem to want to ken.

Better go check on my pork and figure out what show tune I'm going to sing.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Tuesday 26th January 2010

So Falkirk lost yet again at the weekend, getting humped at home by Dundee United

Falkirk 1 - Dundee Utd 4

This Saturday coming I'll be going to a funeral ( not for Falkirks season ). Seriously need a hair cut but last time I went to the hairdressers I started feeling nauseous and just said yes to everything to make her hurry up. I ken that I should grab my balls and just go do it but I just can't help being paranoid.

Was at my sisters on Friday and Saturday which was fun. Anytime being away from my parents is good. Sometimes I wish I could just get on a plane and walk across Canada, the non icy bits of course.

I could and should write more but I just feel too stressed and ARGHY.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Tuesday 19th January 2010

Bad news everyone, sadly after last years heroics of reaching the Scottish Cup finals, Falkirk lost to Kilmarnock last night.

It ended

Kilmarnock 1 - Falkirk 0

Now lets just hope we can hump them in the league.

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Saturday 16th January 2010

Good news everyone

Celtic 1 - Falkirk 1

We're inching closer to safety.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Thursday 14th January 2010

Results are in for Out of Tune Idol and damn I'm through to round three. Theme for next week is soft rock ballads from the 70s, immediately I thought of Meat Loaf but one of the damn judges has now said she wants to hear Meat Loaf, curse her, curse them all.

Must of been snowing again, which is far from fun. Constant dripping coming from the gutters so stuff on the roof must be melting which means ice later, YAY!!!

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Tuesday 12th January 2010

Just back from the doctors, he said I looked better and to be honest I feel better too. I still have some slight feeling of dread that I'm going to collapse and look like a twat but I also ken that I didn't throw up or collapse yesterday so I probably won't today. Everyday is a step in the right direction, unless I collapse, throw up, fall on ice, become pregnant or find rabbits mauling at my windows. Some of those are less likely than others.

Speaking of dread, it's Tuesday and that can only mean it's the next round of out of tune idol over at the mean girls garage. I'm dreading this for a number of reasons, for starters I had no idea what songs were played in strip clubs so I asked google for help. I couldn't be fucked looking like a twat on camera whilst I waited on the non singing bit to finish so I just threw in the towel and went fuck it. Thirdly I made my clip more involved this time so it's more personal. I'm not sure if I want to reach the next round or not. I ken I'm an awful singer but am I awful enough?

Up until very recently there was pretty much no photographic evidence of me since I hate having my picture taken. Earlier last year my sisters husband managed to get this great picture.



Then later in the year he managed to capture this at my sisters birthday
Finally there was this one taken sometime in the year at Carron Valley without my knowledge, I never smile. I miss my sideburns and tufty.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Thursday 7th January 2010

Spent most of the day accidentally sleeping. I'm not entirely sure how it was an accident but it just happened. Woke up to the news that a family member died, I think great uncle is the term since my parents were only children.

I'm beginning to hate Yahoo, each time I go to log on it comes up with Yahoo news talking about some female whose been found dead.

My brother in law whose rather good with a camera sent me some of the pictures he had taken last year, I miss my sideburns and tufty. He was charged with taking pictures of my sister and I so that she had more recent photos.

Elsewhere at the out of tune contest I somehow made it through to the next round, not entirely sure if this is a good or bad thing. Now I have to think what songs might be heard in a strip club, I have no idea.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Tuesday 5th January 2010

Was snowing again during the night, not too much but it'll end up freezing and creating more ice. ARGH!! I think whenever I have to go outside I'll do the dog with worms technique, just to be on the safe side. Haven't decided if I'll do it with or without trousers on yet.

Today was the first round of the Out of tune contest over at Mean Girl Garage. I'm genuinely surprised that I'm getting some votes. I was rather apprehensive in seeing the results but luckily it's all good humoured and the judges comments were pretty much hilarious.

I'm not counting my chickens yet but the next theme is songs you might hear in a strip club. WTH? Does Scotland even have any strip clubs? Hopefully it includes the songs you hear while the strippers cry out the back and cut themselves, I'm thinking Johnny Cash's version of Hurt, classy or the theme tune from M*A*S*H. I wonder if drunk Scottish people stripping to the sound of O Flower of Scotland counts.

Monday, 4 January 2010

Monday 4th January 2010

Ah don't you just love the joys of winter. Christmas, New years, slipping on ice, council not supplying people with grit and of course pushing cars out of ruts when they get stuck. The last one was I was doing today. It was LOTS of fun. My father had managed to slide his car off the runway into the side and there was no grip to get it out. That's where sons come into action. I had been wondering why people breed but now I ken, people breed solely for the reason to be able to get their cars out of trouble.

Now I probably should called it a driveway rather than a runway since our house isn't on an airport and I should go back and call it a driveway in the first place but going backwards isn't my style. So I spent my evening trying to push a car on ice. This was far from easy, no grip for the car and no grip for me so wasn't working well. Finally I went and destroyed the box Douglas played in and put the flappy parts under the car tyres. With one final struggle I managed to push the car free. After that I died. Well almost. I really am unfit. Now to nap while I reset my chest.


So last night in the UK the greatest show on Earth started and finally Hell froze over. Yes that's right " Celebrity " Big Brother is back. Now I don't watch Big Brother since I think it's mind numbingly dull but the live launch shows do make me curious. I think the Americans will ken who more of the Celebrities are than I do.

Stephen Baldwin : Luckily I ken who the Baldwin brothers are and I like the film the Usual Suspects. However I didn't know he was now famous for being a religious dude.

Nicola Somethingorother : Some glamour model, no idea who the hell she is.

Alex Reid : Cagefighter dating Katie Price, not famous by himself.

Stephanie Beacham : I know the name, wouldn't know the face, I assume since she was in Dynasty she's famous.

Lady Sovereign : Heard of her, no idea what songs she's actually done, doubt I'd like them.

Sisqo : He's some American midget Rap and Bullshit singer, did that Thong song but nothing else I ken.

Dane Bower : Was in a shit boy band in the 90s, nobody cares, not famous.

Heidi Fleiss : Heard the name mentioned in some TV / Films but had no idea who she was, apparently she set dates up or something.

Jonas : I had no idea who he was until the said Basshunter. I don't like dance music but there's lots of adverts in the UK that have said Basshunter before, I didn't realise it was just a person though.

Katia : Had a thing with Ronnie Wood, sick bitch. Not famous.

Vinnie Jones : Ex footballer and movie star, clearly the most famous, hope he headbutts them all.

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Saturday 2nd January 2010

Sad news, following a pitch inspection the Falkirk match was called off.

For Hogmanay I spent the night at my sisters house playing games and watching films. Watched the Hangover which was hilarious. We played a game called Rabbids Go home , I had previously played other games with Raymans rabbids in it but this was hilarious. My brother in law and myself spent ages making our rabbits using various tools and putting them in strange poses. You get a vice to reshape the rabbits head, a pump to blow up the eyes and ears, you can explode them, air to inflate them larger and a hand to slap the rabbit into a random face which was strangely enjoyable. You also get to recolour it and put tattoos on it, I put skull tattoos on it's nipples, bum and front area. My sister also tried her hand at designing a rabbit but she just ended up with a purple rabbit, unlike her husbands scary Michael Jackson rabbit complete with sparkly glove. Was great fun anyway.

We watched Elf whilst eating a lovely meal of Chinese food. Unbelievably they had never seen the film before. What sad people they are.

Friday, 1 January 2010

Friday 1st January 2010

So it's a new year, time for a new start and time to meet the new me. Well since I don't like meeting new people I'll just hide.

Lets start with

HAPPY NEW YEAR

always a good place to start I think. So it's now 2010 and it's now a new decade. Seems like only yesterday that people were worried about Y2K when they should of been thinking about swine flu.

I'm pretty bad at sticking to resolutions but really this year I should aim to do something. Having goals is a good thing.

1) Get a job, I hate doing nothing so this seems pretty obvious.

2) Get fitter, I hate not being as fit as I used to be.

3) Talk to people, if I can overcome this then that'd help a lot with number 1.

4) Believe I can do things. This is hard. Trying to find self belief when all you can do is say sorry for everything.


As hard as it is to believe I entered a singing competition, it is an out of tune one but still it's showcasing my talents... Now I know I can't sing but actually letting other people hear it is a big step for me. People might mock it and laugh but I haven't died, I haven't thrown up and I haven't killed someone with a pen. If I can do that then maybe just maybe it's a step in the right direction.