Today wasn't my best day in a while. Nothing bad happened just a minor setback on the anxiety coping confidence.
Firstly was at the dentist in the morning receiving a check up, got there and due to an emergency there was a 15 minute delay. Walked into the waiting room to see it jam packed. Most of the people were more emergency patients. I waited for 20 minutes before I started to become very anxious, eventually stood up, went to reception and asked if it was ok to wait outside. Girl looked at me weird, she only looked about 16 and asked if I wanted to wait in my car, I replied no before stating just stand outside. Again she looked at me weird. She said it was fine and off I wandered to the door, fresh cool air and freedom.
I was thankful to be outside, another 20 minutes pass before the dental nurse comes taking me in, panic sets in. I've known my dentist for years but today I just felt awful, lying there waiting, she kept talking. I nodded politely to everything, trying to hide my anxiety. It didn't last long but in my eagerness to run away managed to whack my head off the dental light.
Back to reception to book my next appointment, girl still looking at me like I'm another species.
Thankfully back out into the fresh crisp cold air and off to walk to my sisters house to see my brother in law.
I really like just walking along listening to music, seems so much easier to breathe.
Anyways, after meeting up with my brother in law, we headed over to Stirling. In the Thistle Centre and I start to feel anxious again. I don't know why, I can't explain it, just hit me. We went back outside, I started to calm down then we went for lunch, I felt faint, anxiety again. I felt like punching myself and screaming don't be such a pussy, all you're doing is going into a shop.
During lunch I start to calm down, had a good talk with brother in law which helped. Afterward we wandered up to the Castle and graveyard. Graveyard was really peaceful. After a walk and an encounter with some ice, bugger just crept up on me. We dandered back into town and offski home.
I know it's more of a girl thing to worry about but can't help noticing I look fatter. Trying to eat less and exercise more just doesn't seem to be working. Gives the confidence another hit.
Got to keep trying. Got to keep going into public. Got to keep exercising. I can beat it.