Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Brick walls and running through them.

Today wasn't my best day in a while. Nothing bad happened just a minor setback on the anxiety coping confidence.

Firstly was at the dentist in the morning receiving a check up, got there and due to an emergency there was a 15 minute delay. Walked into the waiting room to see it jam packed. Most of the people were more emergency patients. I waited for 20 minutes before I started to become very anxious, eventually stood up, went to reception and asked if it was ok to wait outside. Girl looked at me weird, she only looked about 16 and asked if I wanted to wait in my car, I replied no before stating just stand outside. Again she looked at me weird. She said it was fine and off I wandered to the door, fresh cool air and freedom.

I was thankful to be outside, another 20 minutes pass before the dental nurse comes taking me in, panic sets in. I've known my dentist for years but today I just felt awful, lying there waiting, she kept talking. I nodded politely to everything, trying to hide my anxiety. It didn't last long but in my eagerness to run away managed to whack my head off the dental light.

Back to reception to book my next appointment, girl still looking at me like I'm another species.

Thankfully back out into the fresh crisp cold air and off to walk to my sisters house to see my brother in law.

I really like just walking along listening to music, seems so much easier to breathe.

Anyways, after meeting up with my brother in law, we headed over to Stirling. In the Thistle Centre and I start to feel anxious again. I don't know why, I can't explain it, just hit me. We went back outside, I started to calm down then we went for lunch, I felt faint, anxiety again. I felt like punching myself and screaming don't be such a pussy, all you're doing is going into a shop.

During lunch I start to calm down, had a good talk with brother in law which helped. Afterward we wandered up to the Castle and graveyard. Graveyard was really peaceful. After a walk and an encounter with some ice, bugger just crept up on me. We dandered back into town and offski home.

I know it's more of a girl thing to worry about but can't help noticing I look fatter. Trying to eat less and exercise more just doesn't seem to be working. Gives the confidence another hit.

Got to keep trying. Got to keep going into public. Got to keep exercising. I can beat it.


  1. Unlcky! But yes, you CAN beat it and you WILL!
    Oh and I always worry I'm getting fat/am fat so dont think it's just a girl thing.

  2. You coped well. I could see the anxiety fading through lunch.

    I might have just run away in your shoes, so kudos :-)

    The ice only got you because you were looking up at the castle. Well, apart from that mini glacier I made you walk past, it just sat there taunting you!

    As for fat, I put on 6 stone in 7 years. Lol. Impressive eh? It was when I moved from a 4th floor flat to a ground floor flat. Never underestimate the amount of exercise you got walking about at uni etc...

  3. Well I think licking the windows help, mildew relaxes me.

    Well Marti you're short so you've got less surface area to hide the fat.

  4. I know people who suffer from anxiety. It's not a nice condition at all and I don't think people really understand what people who do suffer from it, go through. My ex suffered from it in a big way and I know how crippling it can be. I think there needs to be more resources available for sufferers than just meds. I mean so many people seem to suffer from it just like you.

    Maybe they could put something in the Irn Bru? :) A super-confidence elixir.

    Just hang in there.

  5. What really puzzles me is why did it start happening. I've been fine for 20odd years then suddenly WHAM just happens.