Saturday, 7 August 2010

Things to not read before bed

Yesterday my small friend Marti went to see Twilight Eclipse, poor guy, I've already suffered seen it so I know how bad overlyhyped it is. However with that being said there is a lot worse films out there... like Remember me. Now that film is bum numbingly dull, I had to suppress laughter when standing in the queue in HMV with the people in front talking about how great the film is but how sad the ending is, they cried all night apparently. I had cried quite a bit during it too but for vastly different reasons. Sadly I know some Robert Pattinson fans, who are slightly crazy and will kill me if I dare say anything bad about him.

However as bad as Remember me is, there's worse, there's Wicker Park. I had to sit through that for a friends birthday, being the only questionably straight male at it I was vastly outnumbered in the film choice. By the end of the film my posterior was so numb that I was at genuine risk of being someones piece of pie without even noticing. If you ever want to torture someone, force them to watch Wicker Park. Seriously.

Now those are films that are in the past, there's one in the near future that gives me nightmares by only reading the synopsis. The human centipede. I hate horrors. I hate the Saw franchise. I hate the idea of Hostel but they sound to me like Mary Poppins compared to this film. I shall be taking my axe to bed to protect me.

Speaking of nightmares, I've come to realise that in the not too distant future I'm going to be requiring car insurance. I have no real idea about how much car insurance costs but it must be a decent business for car insurance companies to horrify us daily with a man yelling " Go Compare" . I'd much rather do business with a talking soviet meerkat. Come to think of it car insurance adverts are pretty damn surreal. You have a bulldog who can talk, a telephone and computer mouse that speed around on set and can talk but have no eyes or mouth, a meerkat in a smokers jacket living in a stately home who speaks with a Russian accent, a group of weirdos from the public, a scary tenor and an Admiral who's selling car insurance rather than boat insurance. Think there's an elephant somewhere too, not like in general since there's quite a few elephants dotted around but like Elephant car insurance or something along those lines.

Not sure where my train of thought was going but I did learn that the car of my dreams, the Mitsubishi L200 would be too expensive for me to insure. Sad I know.

No comments:

Post a Comment